Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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