Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
