Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
