From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
