If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
