I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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