Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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