hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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