You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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