he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
