absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize