Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
