Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
