i would punch a child for taco bell
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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