i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
