He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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