Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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