ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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