I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize