just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
