You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
