I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
