i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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