Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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