I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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