Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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