she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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