@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So many bounce houses so little time
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
