i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize