That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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