i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
