Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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