Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize