Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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