My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
