Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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