I looked at my own cervix.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
