She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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