It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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