Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize