those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
