You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
