Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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