I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
why is half of my head shaved?
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