the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
