my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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