she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
