so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
