It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
