thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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