I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
