dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
