i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
