there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
