What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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