I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
