Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
