i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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