was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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