i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
