Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
