I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize