So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
