I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All the doctor said was why
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
