We won't sleep together?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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