Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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