Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
