i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
