Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
