Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
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