I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
