kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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